Lords of Salem, American Mary, Prometheus. Best and Worst of 2012. Mayan Doomsday Edition!


Of course 2012 was thought by some to be our last. That doomsday scenario didn’t pan out, but what if it had? This would have been the last horror films etched into our hearts. As this year comes to a close, I’d like to look back at my favorite films of the year. There were something like 50 horror films this year and most of them sucked. That being said, some of the choices for this year’s best may be surprising (some may actually cause you physical anger), but in the end, it’s just my opinion. Well let’s jump into it. The top 13 Sinful Celluloid horror films of 2012…

13. Chernobyl Diaries


OK, I know you are already screaming at me and calling me names, but you know what?  I loved it. I often say that people review films not on what the film is trying to be, but what they want the film to be. It isn’t the most original film but it is what it needs to be. The sets are eerie and there is a certain amount of tension. Check your expectations at the door and just enjoy it. Check out my review HERE
12. The Woman in Black


HAMMER, HAMMER, HAMMER. It has survived up till this point on the strength of what was. I love HAMMER FILMS and have waited for its resurrection for years.  It took this film to both prove that HAMMER was truly dead and had been reborn for a new generation. I’ll explain. This was HAMMER’s first foray into Victorian Horror since its rebirth and it really brought home the point that HAMMER as it was, will never be again. However, on the flip side, after The Resident, Let Me In, and the fairly decent Wake Wood, The Woman In Black showed that HAMMER could find their way in a new world and be relevant again. Not only that but it was nice to see Daniel Radcliffe have a chance to spread his wings.


11. Silent Night


Great film! The original Silent Night Deadly Night was entertaining (Read my review HERE), but this film is just so much fun. Not only that but it boasts some great performances (Donal Logue anyone?) and some great assets (Cortney Palm and her Pom Poms), but the film also captures the right amount of retro cheese. This is Christmas killing done right.
10. The Raven


A film that I couldn’t wait to see, it was sad that everyone hated it. It was compared to From Hell and countless other films without ever being considered on its own merits. It is a fun and atmospheric thriller and John Cusack as Poe is great as always. Solid film that doesn’t attempt to raise the bar, just entertain. See it!
9. Inbred


A film that haunted me from the first teaser, Inbred is unlike anything you’ve seen this year. Part Hillbilly Horror and part Backwoods Terror, it plays like nothing you’ve seen before. Any film with Horse heads pasted on sexy female bodies gets my attention (and Matthew Broderick’s I’m sure).


8. V/H/S


The anthology returned this year with a vengeance. V/H/S was awesomely smart and fun as I previously explained HERE. Not only that but it found a way to make “Found Footage” not suck.


7. Sinister


Ethan Hawke is compelling as a one hit wonder writer who is desperately trying to write another best seller. After finding a box of home movies in a murder house he has just purchased, Ellison (Hawke) descends into a world of true horror unlike anything we’ve seen in a long while. Worth seeing for the family hanging footage alone.

6. The Collection


Marcus Dunstan returns with The Collection. This film was near perfect in many ways. Not to go into too much detail, it is a bloody and bloody good looking film. Check out my full review HERE. Another case of original horror being ignored in the theater, weather you saw it or not, Buy it when it comes out!

5. Paranorman


Paranorman is awesome. Not only is it a unique horror film but it clearly loves horror films. There are over 200 references to other horror giving the film ultimate rewatch value. It’s the story of a kid who can talk to dead people who then uses that ability when the town is overrun with zombies.

4. Innkeepers


Ti West comes of the excellent House of the Devil (HERE) with an excellent ghost story that has characters that mean something to us. I can gush over this film for days. But to save time, just check out my complete review HERE.

3. The Lords of Salem

Rob Zombie switches gears and presents a personal Tour De Force for Sheri Moon Zombie as a radio D.J. and Substance abuser that becomes the target of a revenge plot by 300 year old witches. This is a tale of one woman’s slow decent into hell that though, not ballistic, will scar your soul for many nights. My review won’t be out till closer to the release date (April) but here is the best coverage:

A Cauldron full of NEW Lords of Salem Stills give up

Rob Zombie’s Lords of Salem edits: Frankenstein


2. American Mary


From The Soska Sisters, who brought you Dead Hooker in a Trunk, comes an absolute gem. Why have I reaped such accolades on this film? Is it really that good? Yes it is. (Full Review HERE) Mary is someone that everyone has known. We have all known her, loved her, or been her. That’s the emotional power of this film. She is someone that has been in our lives and we can spend time with her once more. Take a stroll down that dark road again.

1. Prometheus

Yes Prometheus, damn you! This movie is not only an excellent horror film but an excellent Sci-Fi film as well. Is it the film you wanted? Maybe, maybe not. Whats important is that it’s the film Ridley Scott wanted to make. A solid film that revisits old ideas in new ways. The film is not perfect but it does incite conversation and that is what a good film does. There is so much going on. You can see my long and detailed analysis HERE. In the end though, you just need to see this film AGAIN!

Stuff that made me sick. The Worst of 2012.
The worst list is shorter because I don’t want to dwell on my misspent time. Needless to say, some of these films have supporters but I am not one of them. Some of these made me physically ill!
6. House at the End of the Street


I was  interested only to be given a Lifetime move for no really interesting horror or sex. I expected more with both Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence. If you want to see Jennifer Lawrence in a stupid movie you can watch Hunger Games.

5. Twixt 


I wish I could go into more detail about this film but it made me nauseous and I don’t really remember much other than I watched the film saying “WHAT?” a whole lot. That and it does bad stuff to Poe as a character. Save yourself the frustration. Skip it.

4. Apartment 143


Please stop making these ghost hunting found footage flicks. Its not money that feeds found footage, its lack of ingenuity. Please stop it. Steal from the best, not each other.

3. 388 Arletta Ave.


A good cast and  interesting idea sometime yields crap (Uwe Boll anyone?) A strange home invasion film without any home invasions. And an eerie premise that goes nowhere. You just end up frustrated.


2. Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes 


Note to all filmmakers. If you are going to make a film about Bigfoot you must, I repeat, MUST, have Bigfoot in it! Not some stupid alien abduction theory with slight Bigfoot allusions. And making a cool ass poster that lies to us doesn’t help your cause.

1. Amityville Haunting 


If you have no money or talent, please don’t try and do an Amityville story.And if you insist, please try and shoot in a similar house, not some rinky dink town home in a suburb. And even worse, its found footage style. It’s boring, lack luster and unimaginative. Your better off watching an Uwe Boll film. Yes it sucks that bad!

Well. That’s it. What are your thoughts? Did I miss one? Do you disagree with my choices? Let’s hear it sinners. And no matter what you think, let’s hope for a better 2013!