Sometimes you come across a film that ,even in the age of the internet, is almost impossible to find in a decent format.Films that end up dumped on some fourth rate video label and are over cropped and so static that it ends up unwatchable. This has happened to me more than once and its so frustrating, especially when the film seems absolutely crazy fun. One such film is 1996’s Killer Tongue aka La Lengua Asesina starring Mindy Clarke, Doug Bradley, and Robert England. Wait! What movie is this?
Killer Tongue starts off with a heist in New Mexico. Elvis wannabe Johnny (Jason Durr) and his hot girl Candy (Melinda Clarke) pull off a job with the help of inside security. Johnny decides to screw them out of their cut and leave them super glued to each other in a compromising position. Johnny ends up busted of course and does the time alone so Candy can take the money and hide out. She does so at a convent disguised as a Nun with her four poodles. On the eve of Johnny’s return, a meteorite hits near her hole in the wall and a chunk lands in her soup. Her and her dogs chow down and she just explodes in a sea os vomit that sends her literally to the ceiling. Her hair turns black and her skin is covered in a black alien substance…and she looks Hella Good! Anyway, her poodles have transformed as well, into three men (one of which is future King of England Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and a woman (I think). Weird right? You have no fricken idea! They constantly kidnap people to feed to the tongue. Everyone who enters her place falls victim to the killer tongue (yep, that’s fun to say cause it just sounds so weird). Meanwhile, Johnny battles a corrupt prison guard (Robert Englund) with the help of fellow prisoner Doug Bradley. Oh, did I mention the Nun turned super sexy Go-Go whore? Will Johnny save Candy? Thats only one of the questions that you’ll want answered by the end of this strange acid trip of a film.
Killer Tongue was shot in Spain with a mostly Spanish cast. With no distributor in site, the film ended up dumped on A-PIX films and a crappy VHS was put out. Even worse, it was nut pan and scan but cropped, tight. You couldn’t make out the action and the film was forgotten. I finally tracked down an import disc that was widescreen and let me tell you. It was worth it.
Melinda Clarke is fantastic as Candy. She takes a difficult job and makes it believable (even in the sex scene involving the tongue (yeah I said that). She seems natural in the bad girl with a soul role and helps bring some reality to the character. Robert Englund is balls to the wall as the corrupt Prison Director. Almost like Freddy Kruger with better skin. Doug Bradley has a great part where he gets to do more comedic acting and is lots of fun.
If you can, pick this one up from one of the rare collector’s DVD outlets on line. Its so damn strange and fun, it should be in everyone’s collection.
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